Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Someone's Having a Birthday...

Oh wait, that someone is me... I only write this because 5 years ago, my birthday became much more than My birthday.  Five years ago, I was sitting in a specialist waiting room waiting to find out what exactly was wrong with my firstborn.  Two months prior to this I was told that my baby would be born with down's syndrome and I would need to see a specialist to find out how severe it would be.  So there I was sitting in a waiting room on my birthday holding my stomach and praying to God to PLEASE let my baby be "normal".  My parents, Levi's parents, and Levi were standing outside the waiting room visiting while I sat there.  The longer I sat the more nervous I became and the harder I began to pray.  I watched parents sitting there with their grown children, all with downs, pleading with them to just be still.  I watched as an older father tied the shoe of his now grown child adult.  I turned to see another mother cover her head just wishing her son would stop yelling.  That is when it hit me, what am I going to do if something is wrong with my baby?  How am I going to do this for the rest of my life.  I instantly had two emotions running through my head, selfishness and shame.  Selfishness because I did not want my life to be this way, and shame for thinking that of my unborn baby.  But then in the middle of my prayer-plead to God I heard the sweetest words, Thanks Daddy, Love You-coming from the "shoe child".   The selfishness was gone and the love of my child no matter what the problems, it was mine and I would love him or her no matter what.  But the greatest feeling was that this baby would LOVE ME BACK.  Not to long after that our name was called, they took us into a tiny room to explain what they would be looking for, and our options.  Options, we don't need options.  After our "little conversation" they took us to a larger room and set up the sonogram.  As she moved around, there it was our baby, the greatest birthday gift ever.  There it was, she moved it here and moved it there looking for "markers"  very few words came out of her mouth as she did, then she said it...This is a very HEALTHY little baby.  Oh, tears of joy and love from answered prayers.  Our baby was/is healthy.

So on this day, my birthday, I found out that trusting God, believing that he is in charge, and allowing myself to love unconditionally would be the greatest birthday- life -gift of all.  On this day, five years ago, my birthday would forever be about unconditional love.  This special day will always be the day I found out that I was going to be the Mommy of a beautiful HEALTHY little BOY!